I hope y’all got your ringside seats, cause it’s ass whooping season. We’ve laid low with the Real Talk series for the past few months, patiently waiting to unleash our slander upon the world once again. We’ve witnessed a lot of shit during that time that needs to be addressed, so put your feelings aside and let us better you. Before we start, if you made it to the year 2013, and your profile on any social network contains the word “Papi” or you’re shirtless in your avi, well, this shit ain’t for you fatherless faggots. No hope left for y’all, we’re leaving you in 2012. Now let’s get down to it.
First and foremost, y’all need to stop with all this false stunting. We can all afford a Louis belt, you don’t need to Instagram it bruh. Some of you have convinced yourselves that you have money cause you got a drawer full of designer accessories, but a closet full of white tees. Buying things that you like is absolutely fine, enjoy yourself. Showing off after every little purchase though, that ain’t fooling anybody. That’s undercover broke boy shit, don’t wind up in that box.
Buying Twitter followers. Y’all know there are apps and shit to detect who has fake followers and all that jazz these days, right? The jig is up, the cat is out of the bag, you fake important muhfuckers need a new gimmick. Y’all out here tweeting for nobody, followers looking like Manti Teo’s girlfriend. So many people out here wanna be important or liked so bad, without putting any type of work in, this shit is absolutely disgusting. Keep the debit card in the wallet man, it isn’t too hard to get yourself some real followers. We live in a generation where eating your own used tampon can get you a smooth 50,000…shoutout @TheGiovannaP. Or you could always try actually succeeding at something, and watch the followers come.
Women, y’all need to start being women again. You fake heartless hoes tryna front like nobody can hurt you, that shit needs to stop. It’s cool to show some emotion, you’re a female. Ain’t nothing more pathetic than a woman who claims she’s got no feelings, and can’t be hurt by no man, then proceeds to fill our twitter timeline with subtweets aimed at “him”. If you’re really heartless, cut that shit out, get out there and fuck dudes, get money…or whatever it is y’all fake heartless females are supposed to do. I don’t really know who convinced y’all that trying to play the mans role was attractive, but it flat out ain’t. Just know, we here at HFHH see right through it, you can’t bluff us.
Let’s talk about this Catfish epidemic. I’m sure most of y’all have seen the hit show on MTV, if not you need to check into that immediately because it’s pure comedy. Y’all gullible muhfuckers need to stop getting fooled by these online spam accounts yo. If that bitch (or man) is too good to be true, motherfucker it is! You know damn well you ain’t shit, did you really think Miss America was trying to have you throw the cuffs on her? Y’all falling in love with bitches who got one pic on Twitter, and it’s her twitcon. Y’all out here texting with somebody for 2 years, never heard their voice or nothing. The red flags are flapping in the wind, and you’re still convinced there’s nothing fishy going on here. I’ma leave it at that though, cuz I enjoy watching you dumbasses on TV every Monday at 11.
We know, we know…you popped a molly, you sweating, WOO! That’s dead, we don’t care. It’s 2013, and we’re on our Breaking Bad shit. If it ain’t crystal meth or better, we don’t even want to hear about it. Only a matter of time until being a certified junkie is cool, and you know we’re always ahead of the game.
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