Just when you thought you would never see some hip-hop beef as soft and gentle as Drake vs. Common, which many people thought would be resolved via pillow fight, or a tennis match (they ultimately ended up hugging it out)…Diggy Simmons fucks around and gets an old diss track leaked, aimed at Jermaine Cole. (If you haven’t already, listen to it here before going on.) The track was supposedly recorded awhile back in response to Cole rapping about smashing Vanessa Simmons, on a track titled Purple Rain. Vanessa told Diggy that Cole was lying, and Diggy being the young man that he is and unfamiliar with how women work, believed her. We can’t even be mad at that. We understand the importance of family, and sticking up for yours. The part where we take issue is that Diggy had the nerve to tell Cole that his shirts do not fit him properly. There’s certain lines you don’t cross, and that’s one of them. Discuss fucking his mom in detail, threaten his life, do whatever you want to do…but don’t just flat-out tell this man his clothes don’t fit right. Not only that, but you’re dissing a man who you acknowledge has abnormally long arms, and a self proclaimed “hand game like a fucking PSP”. Do you really want problems like those?
Now, if you’re Cole in this situation, what do you do? I suppose you could call up Hov, and ask advice…but we’re 95% sure Jay has yet to give Cole his personal phone number.(Do they even have a picture together?) You can’t really respond on wax. Not after Diggy dropped that ether about your ill-fitting clothes. He could wait 2 years until Diggy turns 18, then show up at his birthday and put the hands to ‘em, but at that point you just look bitter. In our opinion, the best option is to continue to fuck his close female friends and family members that are at least 18 years of age. That brings us to our next point. Why pull Jermaine’s card? All Cole did was have Vanessa work out for him one semester at college. Bow Wow has been running through his other sister’s box for a minute, and then went ahead and had a baby by someone else in the meantime. Where’s the Bow track? Keep it consistent.
Throughout all of this though, one can’t help but to wonder…WHERE WAS JoJo? You couldn’t pry yourself away from your tranny ridden inbox and step up to bat for your sister? You are by far the least talented and probably least loved of the Simmmon’s family. If anyone can afford to ruin their “career” it’s you. What the fuck man? You’re the oldest. You were supposed to be the heir to the throne. We watched you on Run’s House. You were getting exclusive beats, and for reasons unknown to us were even allowed near recording equipment, years before Diggy. You had the first born son head start, and proceeded to lose even more than Nas. It’s bad enough Diggy popped up out of nowhere at 14, with much less time to master the craft, and just completely Michael Phelps’d the whole situation and blew by you. He’s got himself a Freshman cover, he’s got hit singles, his album is in stores….you couldn’t handle this one fucking thing? I’m disgusted.
That brings us to our conclusion. Biggie vs. 2Pac, Jay-Z vs. Nas, 50 vs. Ja Rule, Drake vs. Common, Diggy vs. J. Cole. Look at that timeline of hip-hop beef. I know what some of you are thinking, but that’s because you don’t know how to view the positives! It’s safe to say that as far as hip-hop beef is concerned, we’ve hit the absolute rock bottom, and thus can only go up from here! If you found this post insightful (you did.), be sure to share it with Facebook, Twitter, recite it word for word to your Grandma over the phone…whatever you have to do.
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